There’s been far too much free agency carnage for anyone with any definable hobbies/social activities/family members to keep up with.
That’s where we come in, clutching a list containing every free agent signing so far and frantically waving it in your face.
Here we go…
LeBron James: 4yrs/$154M – Los Angeles Lakers
It’s nice to see things work out for the Lakers for once.
Kevin Durant: 2yrs/$61.5M – Golden State Warriors
Good luck, everyone else.
Paul George: 4yrs/$137M – Oklahoma City Thunder
It’s pretty hard to imagine anyone wanting to play with Russell Westbrook, but here we are.
Chris Paul: 4yrs/$160M – Houston Rockets
Handing Chris Paul this much cash when he’s already 33 years old is pretty terrifying, but what choice did they have?
DeMarcus Cousins: 1yr/$5.3M – Golden State Warriors
Nikola Jokic: 5yrs/$148M – Denver Nuggets
The Joker in Denver is arguably more terrifying than the Joker in Batman, and was always heading towards a massive pay day.
Rajon Rondo: 1yr/$9M – Los Angeles Lakers
Rondo and Lance in the same locker room, yes please!
Dwight Howard: 1yr/$5.3M – Beijing Ducks
Dwight Howard: 1yr/$5.3M – Washington Wizards
This is Dwight’s fourth team in four years. Draw your own conclusions.
Will Barton: 4yrs/$54M – Denver Nuggets
One of the better players that most casual fans couldn’t pick out of a lineup.
DeAndre Jordan: 1yr/$24.1M – Dallas Mavericks
Never date your ex. Especially when your previous relationship lasted about a week.
Trevor Ariza: 1yr/$15M – Phoenix Suns
Trevor Ariza has left a contender to join a struggling young team on a one-year deal, for reasons known only to Trevor Ariza.
Derrick Favors: 2yrs/$36M – Utah Jazz
The Jazz continue to bet on their own guys, keeping their core intact.
Avery Bradley: 2yrs/$25M – Los Angeles Clippers
The good news for Avery Bradley: he lives in LA.
The bad news for Avery Bradley: he plays for the Clippers.
Talk about bittersweet.
Rudy Gay: 1yr/$10M – San Antonio Spurs
He’s not the Rudy Gay of old, but the man still has something to give, especially within the Spurs’ system.
Tyreke Evans: 1yr/$12M – Indiana Pacers
Evans had his first properly productive campaign in recent memory last season, and the Pacers are punting on it continuing. That is…let’s say…courageous.
Julius Randle: 2yrs/$18M – New Orleans Pelicans
Randle should form a dynamic defensive front-court with Davis. He’s also cheaper, younger and less-injured than DeMarcus Cousins.
Dante Exum: 3yrs/$33M – Utah Jazz
This deal shows the Jazz really believe in their oft-injured Aussie, who showed flashes of defensive brilliance while guarding James Harden in this year’s playoffs.
Jerami Grant: 3yrs/$27M – Oklahoma City Thunder
The Thunder retain their athletic Swiss Army Knife.
Aron Baynes: 2yrs/$11M – Boston Celtics
Boston got a bargain on Embiid and Giannis’ lifelong nemesis.
Kevon Looney: 1yr/$2.1M – Golden State Warriors
The struggling Warriors were clearly relying on another bargain to stay afloat, so that’s a relief.
Derrick Rose: 1yr/$2.1M – Minnesota Timberwolves
Keep gettin’ them (Adidas) checks, D-Rose.
Nerlens Noel: 2yrs/$4.2M – Oklahoma City Thunder
It remains unclear whether complimentary hotdogs were included in the deal.
Gerald Green: 1yr/$2.4M – Houston Rockets
Despite his occasionally questionable shot selection, Green gives Houston more than bang for their buck with his instant offence.
Fred VanVleet: 2yrs/$18M – Toronto Raptors
The undrafted surprise packet’s star continues to rise.
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope: 1yr/$12M – Los Angeles Lakers
Shoutout to Rich Paul.
Mario Hezonja: 1yr/$6.5M – New York Knicks
If Hezonja was any good, we’d know by now, right?
Aaron Gordon: 4yrs/$84M – Orlando Magic
After trading Victor Oladipo for five minutes of Serge Ibaka two years ago, Orlando couldn’t afford to lose another promising young player.
JaVale McGee: 1yr/$2.4M – Los Angeles Lakers
I’m all in on anything that involves JaVale McGee.
Marco Belinelli: 2yrs/$12M – San Antonio Spurs
Big loss for the 76ers, who really benefited from Marco’s shooting.
Lance Stephenson: 1yr/$4.5M – Los Angeles Lakers
Lance and LeBron, together at last. I dare you to tell me you saw this coming.
Elfrid Payton: 1yr/$2.7M – New Orleans Pelicans
At $2.7M, the New Orleans native is a low-risk move for the Pelicans. Especially considering there is no longer a possibility of having his shot blocked by his own hair.
J.J. Redick: 1yr/$12M – Philadelphia 76ers
Redick’s shooting was crucial in spacing the floor last season and becomes even more important following Belinelli’s departure.
Michael Carter-Williams: 1yr/$2.1M – Houston Rockets
How the mighty ROY has fallen.
Mike Scott: 1yr/$2.4M – Los Angeles Clippers
That works out to about $15k per emoji tattoo.
Raymond Felton: 1yr/$2.4M – Oklahoma City Thunder
Amir Johnson – 1 yr/$2.4M – Philadelphia 76ers
Nik Stauskas: 1yr/$1.7M – Portland Trail Blazers
Derrick Jones Jr.: 2yrs/$4.1M – Miami Heat
Glenn Robinson III: 2yrs/$8.3M – Detroit Pistons
Salah Mejri: 1yr/$2.1M – Dallas Mavericks
Seth Curry: 2yrs/$2.75M – Portland Trail Blazers
Anthony Tolliver: 1yr/$5M – Minnesota Timberwolves
Omri Casspi: 1yr/$2.1M – Memphis Grizzlies
Ed Davis: 1yr/$4.4M – Brooklyn Nets
Doug McDermott: 3yrs/$22M – Indiana Pacers
Ersan Ilyasova: 3yrs/$21M – Milwaukee Bucks
Jose Calderon: 1yr/$2.4M – Detroit Pistons
Jeff Green: 1yr/$2.5M – Washington Wizards
Joe Harris: 2yrs/$16M – Brooklyn Nets
Raw info via NBA Updates.