So get this.
Your mate and mine Shaquille O’Neal has decided to sell his Orlando mansion for the bargain basement price of $28 million, according to the Wall Street Journal.
And while millionaires begin circling this glorious lakefront property, the sale gives the rest of us a chance to have a cheeky look inside.
Make no mistake, this 12-bedroom, 31,000-square-foot monstrosity is every bit as outrageous as you’d expect, with every room as over the top as a traditional Indian wedding.
Let’s break this thing down.
It’s not hard to see why 99 percent of America’s retired population moves to Florida.
And with Shaq’s mansion backing onto Orlando’s Lake Butler, dude has a view of the water from almost every room.
Shaq’s a big dude, and as a result, needs a big bed.
But does he need a bed you could land a helicopter on?
Dat surface space tho.
When it’s hot all year round, clearly a massive pool was essential for the big fella.
And to think I used to fancy myself as cool kid because I had one of these bad boys.
While this Miami-themed court being in Orlando is a slight geographical headfuck, I think I could get used to it…
There’d certainly be no excuses for skipping sessions with a gym this nice.
Whatever the hell this is
So apparently this is in fact a fish tank (look closely) which has been worked into a full-wall mural of a truck plowing down a freeway with Shaq behind the wheel.
Please don’t ask why.
Shaq presumably hired people to open packets of chips far too loudly and talk during the most important plot points, just the get the full cinema experience.
So there it is, folks…and for the bargain basement price of $28 mil, all this can be yours.
Or $1 million if you’re down to share with 27 mates.