This Kawhi Leonard nonsense has to stop.
Leonard hasn’t played since January 13 and the people need answers.
Because Kawhi himself is about as unreadable as 50 Shades of Grey, I put our extensive team of investigative journalists to work, ultimately narrowing down Leonard’s disappearing act to eight possible explanations:
- He doesn’t like basketball anymore and will instead pursue a career as a socially awkward IT support technician
- Talks between Kawhi and the Spurs’ doctors broke down because Kawhi’s physical ability to speak broke down
- Kawhi has been surrounded by that New York buzz for so long that he took one look at San Antonio’s Riverwalk and declared, “I never want to see that shit again”
- He had a painfully awkward encounter with the girl behind the counter at a San Antonio Starbucks and immediately decided he could never return
- He returned to rule his native planet
- The whole thing is a cover because he was secretly suspended by the NBA for two years due to a strong gambling habit
- He got tied up with Stormy Daniels somehow
- The entire ‘Kawhi landing’ in San Antonio was faked from the beginning, filmed in a studio somewhere
It’s definitely one of those options – possibly a combination of two – and I won’t consider any arguments to the contrary.
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